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APRIL 27, 1998
Happy Birthday, Mommola.
I am so damn homesick. Maybe it's just because I know I'll never go back, but I truly miss the place from whence I came. It's beautiful here, and unique, but I'm just a haole girl at heart. I miss my family. I miss the accent (there isn't just one Southern accent, but many--there's a Georgia accent, a Florida accent, and one for everyplace else down there). I miss the cold in the winter. And shoot me, but I miss the country music, too. Even though it's in a sorry state.
I had this idea some time back. I saw a story on 20/20 about a woman who had terminal cancer who was writing letters to her young daughter. I decided that I could, too. I've begun a rough draft:
My Cherished Daughter Katherine,
You are three months old today. I am watching you become the beautiful young woman that you will be. You are growing so fast that it takes my breath away every day. I can only measure these last three months in outgrown clothes and packages of diapers, but soon, I will be remembering past times in your life in terms of your friends and classes in school. I will long for these baby days.
Just a few days after you were born, you had to be re-admitted to the hospital. You came down with a virus and they kept you in a bubble for three days. You had lost a lot of weight during your illness, so you were even more tiny and fragile than when you were born. I look at you even now and still see one image: six days old, your tiny body swimming in the hospital blankets, and I can see how far you've come and feel so grateful that we left the hospital healthy. I will remember that sight until I'm old and grey.
I am learning on the job how to raise you. I have no way of knowing how I'm doing yet, and that is truly the most frightening part. Being a mom is the greatest challenge of my life, but I can't imagine where I would be without it. From the day I learned that you were coming, you have been the love of my life, and you will always be until the day I die. That's all I can promise, I guess. I may not always be patient or fair, but I will always love you.
Your mom.
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