Hale Kilinahe: The Journal

JULY 7, 1998 Six more days before I have to go back to work. Again. Some women can't wait to go back to their jobs. Why can't I be one of them? I hate dreading something so much that all the energy I have is wasted on thinking about how much I dread it. Besides, it's not nearly as rewarding as mommyhood. Seeing a child change right before ones eyes beats mindless hours of inputting orders (which isn't even my job, thank you very much) any day of the week. Katie plays peek-a-boo now. She rolls over several times a day and uses her hands together like it's nobody's business. Every day, she discovers something new, and it just makes my heart dance. How can a job even compare to that? More and more, I see exactly where my parents were coming from. Still, I fear becoming them. I always said that I'd never repeat their mistakes. But can anybody truly avoid it? They say that everyone is a product of his environment. My folks are wonderful people; please don't misunderstand. I just don't want to be them. I want to make a family tree for Katie. We've enlisted the help of our parents. My mother says that she doesn't' have much on her side, and I think a lot of the info for Ryan's dad's side is in Japan. It may take a lot longer than I figured. Still, I think it's important for her to have a sense of her roots, as completely different as they may be. Here's a thought. I saw this car commercial where this 20-something female is discussing what-if's. One of the hypothetical situations was thus: what if your brother's ska band got stranded. It was a small car, mind you, and I couldn't help thinking, "A ska band would never fit in that car". And I decided that somehow, that was very, very profound. Either the ska band fits in your metaphorical car, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, you gotta buy a van or tell your brother to take a hike. Either way, it's just not as simple as it looks in the commercial. < BACK | TOP | NEXT >