Hale Kilinahe: The Journal

DECEMBER 13, 1997 Ten more shopping days 'til Christmas. Where does the time go? I'm close to eight months now. I have only a month before my leave begins, and that's the only thing that keeps me going. It feels like all my work and effort is going toward a meaningless end. I really have to finish school. I won't chase video hooligans forever. I just can't; I need more out of life than that. We got our Christmas bonuses at work yesterday. Some of us got them in the form of gift certificates, like me. I got $25, plus all the supervisors pitched in today and got some of us $5 certificates just for being good employees. I got two super-cheap cheese-rock compilations and that left me with $9, plus the five I got today, so I'm going to buy something for Ryan. I'd sort of like to get "Men in Black" on video. I loved that movie. So the H-3 opened today. For those of you who live on the Mainland, the H-3 is the third "interstate" highway here on the island. They began planning it thirty-seven years ago and every imaginable kind of obstacle has prevented its completion until now. Allegedly, a prominent Hawaiian activist placed a curse on it, so some people are afraid to drive on it. But the view is spectacular; it cuts straight through the Ko`olau mountains. We'll probably take a drive on it just for fun and hang at whatever beach strikes our fancy on Tuesday, when Ryan has no classes and I'm off from work. My sonogram appointment got moved from the 30th to the 23rd. I want to know now! Boy or girl, I'll be happy, but I want to know what to call it before it comes out. I have the sweetest daydreams. Of brushing my daughter's hair, of greeting my son with a big hug after school. I know it's those moments that make it all worthwhile. I know I'll be a good parent because I know that I'll treasure every single moment with my child I can grab. Ryan's scaring me somewhat. Not in a bad way. He seems to have as many emotional ups and downs as I do, and I suppose I just wasn't prepared for it. He's always the calm, cool one and when he shows so much emotion, it throws me for a loop. We've both been reminded of bad times lately for some reason and I just wish it would go away. I hate that he feels this way. On the other hand, I feel closer to him than I ever have. His journal really helps me to understand what's going on in his mind. < BACK | TOP | NEXT >