Dear Linda,

I am not going to vote for you.

For a while, I was thinking about it. I am a proud, bleeding-heart liberal, but even I know the Democrats have been in charge too long. I am convinced Ben Cayetano is the root of all evil in this world and even Stevie Wonder can see that Mazie is not capable of breaking the pattern that Ben set. She has neither the brains nor the imagination. Maybe you have both, but it doesn't matter.

Why? You woke me up from my nap.

You recorded a message bashing the democrats and called me up this afternoon and played it at me. You probably thought you were being clever, but honestly, if some advisor told you to call up voters with some lame recorded message, you need to fire him, because it's going to piss off a lot of people and you will lose. Why? Nobody likes a tattletale.

You and Mazie are both acting like third-graders. Your quippy little taped message was the political equivalent of a child, running to a teacher and tattling on another child. It's stupid. It's pointless. Most of all, it's depressing.

You and Mazie are the first women to battle in a governor's race in U.S. history. You're supposed to be role models. You're supposed to take the high road because you're women. Noooooo. You wake me up and waste my time. No matter how lame Mazie is, you were still the one who annoyed me more. So I'm voting for Mazie.

So there.

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