I am having such a hard time writing entries lately. I'm in one of those moods where I look back at what I'm writing and I just hate it. Nothing I'm writing is flowing right. It's all awkward. I gave it the best try I could today, but I had to take a sinus pill and those always make me foggy and disconnected so words were coming even harder than they have been in this draught. And it's not lack of things to say; I have plenty to say, but I guess I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated because I've always meant to write a whole bunch of stories about Hilo. I started to, but other stuff was going on so I never finished and I wish I had because now I'm forgetting all the stuff that happened. Like this--one time, on that infamous pre-Ryan circle-island trip during which I saw Pele, my traveling companions and I ended up at the Thurston lava tube. Basically, it's a big cave that was formed during an eruption. It's paved and lighted and it's always busy. It's in a forest so it's always very cool and it's beautiful. It's the most serene, peaceful place you can imagine.

However, just off the exit of the tube is another tube. It's not lit; in fact, it's been completely untouched. Cub and Heidi and I all had proper shoes on and we had a heavy-duty flashlight, so we ventured on in. Let me tell you, it is creeeeeepyyyyy. The Hawaiians have this word: mana. The concept of mana can be oversimplified to mean a ghost, but it's not; it's more like a kind of residual spiritual energy. The second tube had lots of mana. And I think that not all mana is necessarily happy. The bad vibes, combined with the dark, kind of got to all of us, so we bailed before we got too far.

drooling over: this

Somehow, even though I only spent two years there, I kind of feel like that whole period helped make me what I am right now. Which is why I like going back so much.

We went twice to the lava tube. On our first trip, it was just the kids and me because Ryan was falling asleep on the road and wanted to take a nap. We did the whole hike and as we were coming back around to the beginning, Katie said "Can we go again?", so we did.

On the second day, Ryan's mom came out. Her dad (Ryan's grandfather) died when she was three and we go every year to the family's graveyard to clean off the stones. It's the purpose of the whole trip, really. She only comes for the day but we make a weekend out of it. And it was such a great weekend. We actually went to the beach this time. Usually we go in February or early March and it's too cold and wet to go. In fact, it was cold and wet in Hilo and in Kohala and we seriously doubted we'd get to go. But it was sunny and rocket-hot in Hapuna when we showed up around 2.

For some reason, Zac is terrified of the ocean. He loves swimming pools and he loves his baths, but beaches are most definitely not his thing. So Ryan hung out with him on the shore and helped him make sand pies while I watched Katie jump into high wave after high wave. She is fearless in water.

We went back to the volcano on Sunday. We checked out as soon as everyone was awake. We also went to the Mauna Loa macadamia nut factory and orchard. We hit the Lava Tree state park, too.

I was genuinely sad to leave this time. It seems every time we go, we discuss the possibility ridiculous fantasy of moving out there for good just a little more. And we don't know how we'd ever manage, but it sure is fun to dream. And when it's time to get on that plane, it's kind of like leaving an old friend.

Posted by: p.ueno at April 15, 2005 01:48 PM

Posted by: Mitchell at April 15, 2005 10:59 PM

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