Hale Kilinahe: Pith of Pop: Semi-Homemade Cooking With Sandra Lee

Hell, nothing is even a tiny little bit homemade. Sandra's schtick is to buy a bunch of overprocessed crap at the store and slap it together. And there's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people don't have the time or inclination to bake or cook from scratch. They wouldn't sell cake mixes if people didn't buy 'em.

I think my main problem with Sandra is her presentation. A bit of context: Sandra is a bleached blonde who can't possibly eat any of her own creations because she wears approximately the same size as my six-year-old daughter. Her sets change for every show to match her outfit. She has seven or eight Kitchen Aid mixers that she never uses. Her husband is a very old real estate developer. She's probably never used an electrical kitchen appliance in her life and if she doesn't have a personal cook I'd be very surprised.

So why does she have her own show? And more importantly: why is she making a Kwanzaa cake?

She made a Kwanzaa cake on one episode. It was filled with canned apple pie filling. frosted with blue frosting, and had Corn Nuts on it. Corn Nuts, people.

She has a multitude of bad ideas. Tons of 'em. Like, for her football show, she made something called a beergarita. It's a margarita with beer in it. Yum! On the rare occasion she does something clever, she talks it up like she'd thought of it herself. Strips of waxed paper underneath the cake to keep the frosting from ending up all over the plate? Julia was doing that when you were in diapers, sweetie.

This is one of those shows that makes me scratch my head because so many other talented people have had shows on the Food Network but have either moved on or been cancelled. The Tamales could eat Sandra for breakfast. Heck, I'd watch an all-day marathon of the Two Fat Ladies before I'll watch another episode of this overgrown sorority girl.