If you ever find yourself taking care of any of my children for an extended period of time, DO NOT do any of the following: DO NOT yak on the phone while a child is doing cartwheels in your classroom. DO NOT lamely shrug while I ask you why there is a mark on my daughter's fore head. DO NOT tell me not to take that tone with you while I rip you a new asshole. And, for the love of God, DO NOT shrug your shoulders and tell me that you can't watch every kid, every minute. Because if you do, I will make your life very difficult.

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